20.4.08

Safe Sex

Nobody has a body to die for. Safe sex is always better! It's fun, and you don't have to worry as much.

Safe sex means making sure you don't get anyone else's blood, semen, vaginal fluids, or breast milk in your body -- and protecting your partners too! Condoms, latex surgical gloves, and plastic wrap are the only ways to protect yourself and your partner from STDs and HIV, but they're not foolproof. You've got to use them correctly every time you have sex.

The best condoms for anal and vaginal intercourse are lubricated latex condoms. We do not recommend lambskin condoms because they don’t block HIV and STDs. Polyurethane condoms are good, but may not protect as well as latex (they are still being tested). If you're allergic to latex, please see "Trouble Shooting." Using lubricant will make things go smoother and give you added protection. Lube is especially great for women the first time you have intercourse, or if you tend to get sore. But always use a water-based lube (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide, Aqua Lube, Wet, Foreplay, or Probe). Oil breaks latex. Don't use vaseline, hand creams or lotions as a lubricant. Also, treatments for yeast infections contain oil and will break latex. Oil is good for salads and cars, not for sex! You can buy water-based lube and condoms at the drugstore.

Always use a condom
If you're going to suck your partner's dick (blowjob), put a condom on it first. Try non-lubricated or flavored condoms for this. Whatever you do, don't get semen (cum) in your mouth, because you could get an STD or HIV that way. If you have a sore throat or small cuts on your gums (say from brushing your teeth), there's a risk of HIV going from the semen into your blood stream.
If you're doing someone with a sex toy -- vegetable, dildo, vibrator, or whatever -- put a condom on that thing! Don't switch the toy from butthole to vagina, or from one person's body to another, until you put a new condom on it.

Some people think that putting on a condom is too much work when you're supposed to be having fun. But it's easy for condoms to be really fun and erotic. Be creative!
Get ready. Make sure your condoms are fresh -- check the expiration date. Throw away condoms that have expired, been very hot, carried around in your wallet, or washed in the washer. If you think the condom might not be good, get a new one. You and your partner are worth it.

That dick has to be hard before you put a condom on it.
Open it. Tear open the package carefully, so you don't rip the condom. Careful if you use your teeth.

If the penis is uncut (uncircumcised), pull the foreskin back first.
Make sure the condom is right side out. It's like a sock: there's a right side and wrong side. First unroll it about half an inch to see in which direction it is unrolling. Then put it on. It should unroll easily down your dick. If you start off wrong, try again with a new condom. You'll see when you practice.

Hold the top half-inch of the condom between your fingers when you roll it down. This keeps out air bubbles, which can cause the condom to break. It also leaves a space at the end for the cum.
Roll the condom down as far as it will go. It should reach the base of the penis near the balls
For anal intercourse, use lots of lube. Water-based lube is great for vaginal intercourse, too. Put the lube on after you put on the condom, not before -- the condom could slip off. Add more lube often. Dry condoms break more easily.

Guys -- when you pull out hold the condom near your balls so it doesn't slip off. Try to pull out while you're still hard. Take the condom off only after you are completely out of your partner.
Throw out the used condom right away. Use a condom only once. Never use the same condom for vaginal and anal intercourse. Never use a condom that has been in, or used by someone else. Never cum more than once in the same condom.

Guys, practice putting on a condom in a comfortable place where you have plenty of time by yourself. You know what we mean! Practice makes perfect, and you'll impress your partner. Girls, practice putting a condom on a banana.



Safe Your Self

Sex isn't the only way you can get HIV. Another way is through sharing needles (syringes). But those who shoot drugs can still protect themselves from HIV. The best thing to do is to USE A CLEAN NEEDLE AND WORKS (cotton, cooker, spoon, etc.) EVERY TIME! Don't share. And throw away used needles and works.

If you don't have any clean needles, try to find a clean-needle exchange program in your area (check Resources for Drug/Needle Exchange). As a last resort, you can clean your needles and works with bleach and water. Here's how:

Step 1: Fill syringe with water.
Step 2: Shake it up to rinse it. Tap it to get out air bubbles.
Step 3: Shoot the water out. Dump out this water. Repeat steps 2 and three until you can't see
any blood.
Step 4: Pour some bleach into a glass. Stick the needle in the bleach and draw the bleach through
the syringe up to the top. Leave the needle in the glass of bleach and wait 30 seconds.
Step 5: Shoot the bleach back into the glass. Dump out this glass of bleach so you won't reuse it.
Step 6: Fill the syringe again with new water, shoot it out and repeat at least 3 times to make
sure you rinse all the bleach out. Shooting bleach into your veins can cause serious
medical problems.

If you don't have new works, do the same thing with them-rinse with water, soak in bleach for 30 seconds, then rinse THOROUGHLY with water.

And always use new cotton. Try to clean needles & works as soon after use as possible, before blood can clot on them


Alternative to Safe Sex

One way to avoid the risks associated with sexual contact is to abstain from sexual activity entirely, which nearly eliminates the chances of contracting STDs (the only alternative methods of infection being non-sexual as described below).

Some groups, notably some American evangelical Christians and the Roman Catholic Church oppose sex outside marriage, and object to safe-sex education programs because they believe that providing such education promotes promiscuity. Virginity pledges and sexual abstinence education programs are often promoted in lieu of contraceptives and safe-sex education programs. This can place some teenagers at higher risk of unintended pregnancy and STDs, because up to 60 percent of teenagers who pledge virginity until marriage do engage in pre-marital sex and are then one-third less likely to use contraceptives than their peers who have received more conventional sex education.

STDs may also be transmitted through non-sexual means. Thus, abstinence from sexual behavior does not guarantee complete protection against STDs. For example, HIV may be transmitted through contaminated needles used in tattooing, body piercing, or injections. Medical or dental procedures using contaminated instruments can also spread HIV, while some health-care workers have acquired HIV through occupational exposure to accidental injuries with needles.

Sex Education

Sex education, which is sometimes called sexuality education or sex and relationships education, is the process of acquiring information and forming attitudes and beliefs about sex, sexual identity, relationships and intimacy. Sex education is also about developing young people's skills so that they make informed choices about their behaviour, and feel confident and competent about acting on these choices. It is widely accepted that young people have a right to sex education, partly because it is a means by which they are helped to protect themselves against abuse, exploitation, unintended pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and HIV/AIDS.

What are the aims of sex education?
Sex education seeks both to reduce the risks of potentially negative outcomes from sexual behaviour like unwanted or unplanned pregnancies and infection with sexually transmitted diseases, and to enhance the quality of relationships. It is also about developing young people's ability to make decisions over their entire lifetime. Sex education that works, by which we mean that it is effective, is sex education that contributes to this overall aim.

What skills should sex education develop?
If sex education is going to be effective it needs to include opportunities for young people to develop skills, as it can hard for them to act on the basis of only having information.

The kinds of skills young people develop as part of sex education are linked to more general life-skills. For example, being able to communicate, listen, negotiate, ask for and identify sources of help and advice, are useful life-skills and can be applied in terms of sexual relationships. Effective sex education develops young people's skills in negotiation, decision-making, assertion and listening. Other important skills include being able to recognise pressures from other people and to resist them, deal with and challenge prejudice, seek help from adults - including parents, carers and professionals - through the family, community and health and welfare services. Sex education that works, also helps equip young people with the skills to be able to differentiate between accurate and inaccurate information, discuss a range of moral and social issues and perspectives on sex and sexuality, including different cultural attitudes and sensitive issues like sexuality, abortion and contraception.

Forming attitudes and beliefs
Young people can be exposed to a wide range of attitudes and beliefs in relation to sex and sexuality. These sometimes appear contradictory and confusing. For example, some health messages emphasis the risks and dangers associated with sexual activity and some media coverage promotes the idea that being sexually active makes a person more attractive and mature. Because sex and sexuality are sensitive subjects, young people and sex educators can have strong views on what attitudes people should hold, and what moral framework should govern people's behaviour - these too can sometimes seem to be at odds. Young people are very interested in the moral and cultural frameworks that binds sex and sexuality. They often welcome opportunities to talk about issues where people have strong views, like abortion, sex before marriage, lesbian and gay issues and contraception and birth control. It is important to remember that talking in a balanced way about differences in opinion does not promote one set of views over another, or mean that one agrees with a particular view. Part of exploring and understanding cultural, religious and moral views is finding out that you can agree to disagree.
Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.

People providing sex education have attitudes and beliefs of their own about sex and sexuality and it is important not to let these influence negatively the sex education that they provide. For example, even if a person believes that young people should not have sex until they are married, this does not imply withholding important information about safer sex and contraception. Attempts to impose narrow moralistic views about sex and sexuality on young people through sex education have failed.11 12 Rather than trying to deter or frighten young people away from having sex, effective sex education includes work on attitudes and beliefs, coupled with skills development, that enables young people to choose whether or not to have a sexual relationship taking into account the potential risks of any sexual activity.

Effective sex education also provides young people with an opportunity to explore the reasons why people have sex, and to think about how it involves emotions, respect for one self and other people and their feelings, decisions and bodies. Young people should have the chance to explore gender differences and how ethnicity and sexuality can influence people's feelings and options. They should be able to decide for themselves what the positive qualities of relationships are. It is important that they understand how bullying, stereotyping, abuse and exploitation can negatively influence relationships.

So what information should be given to young people?
Young people get information about sex and sexuality from a wide range of sources including each other, through the media including advertising, television and magazines, as well as leaflets, books and websites (such as www.avert.org) which are intended to be sources of information about sex and sexuality. Some of this will be accurate and some inaccurate. Providing information through sex education is therefore about finding out what young people already know and adding to their existing knowledge and correcting any misinformation they may have. For example, young people may have heard that condoms are not effective against HIV/AIDS or that there is a cure for AIDS. It is important to provide information which corrects mistaken beliefs. Without correct information young people can put themselves at greater risk.

Information is also important as the basis on young people can developed well- informed attitudes and views about sex and sexuality. Young people need to have information on all the following topics:

1. Sexual development
2. Reproduction
3. Contraception
4. Relationships

They need to have information about the physical and emotional changes associated with puberty and sexual reproduction, including fertilisation and conception and about sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. They also need to know about contraception and birth control including what contraceptives there are, how they work, how people use them, how they decide what to use or not, and how they can be obtained. In terms of information about relationships they need to know about what kinds of relationships there are, about love and commitment, marriage and partnership and the law relating to sexual behaviour and relationships as well as the range of religious and cultural views on sex and sexuality and sexual diversity. In addition, young people should be provided with information about abortion, sexuality, and confidentiality, as well as about the range of sources of advice and support that is available in the community and nationally.

Strarting sex education

Sex education that works starts early, before young people reach puberty, and before they have developed established patterns of behaviour. The precise age at which information should be provided depends on the physical, emotional and intellectual development of the young people as well as their level of understanding. What is covered and also how, depends on who is providing the sex education, when they are providing it, and in what context, as well as what the individual young person wants to know about.

It is important not to delay providing information to young people but to begin when they are young. Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time. This also means that sex education has to be sustained. For example, when they are very young, children can be informed about how people grow and change over time, and how babies become children and then adults, and this provides the basis on which they understand more detailed information about puberty provided in the pre-teenage years. They can also when they are young, be provided with information about viruses and germs that attack the body. This provides the basis for talking to them later about infections that can be caught through sexual contact.

Providing basic information provides the foundation on which more complex knowledge is built up over time.

Some people are concerned that providing information about sex and sexuality arouses curiosity and can lead to sexual experimentation. There is no evidence that this happens. It is important to remember that young people can store up information provided at any time, for a time when they need it later on.

Sometimes it can difficult for adults to know when to raise issues, but the important thing is to maintain an open relationship with children which provides them with opportunities to ask questions when they have them. Parents and carers can also be proactive and engage young people in discussions about sex, sexuality and relationships. Naturally, many parents and their children feel embarrassed about talking about some aspects of sex and sexuality. Viewing sex education as an on-going conversation about values, attitudes and issues as well as providing facts can be helpful. The best basis to proceed on is a sound relationship in which a young person feels able to ask a question or raise an issue if they feel they need to. It has been shown that in countries like The Netherlands, where many families regard it as an important responsibility to talk openly with children about sex and sexuality, this contributes to greater cultural openness about sex and sexuality and improved sexual health among young people.

The role of many parents and carers as sex educators changes as young people get older and young people are provided with more opportunities to receive formal sex education through schools and community-settings. However, it doesn't get any less important. Because sex education in school tends to take place in blocks of time, it can't always address issues relevant to young people at a particular time, and parents can fulfill a particularly important role in providing information and opportunities to discuss things as they arise.

Who should provide sex education?
Different settings provide different contexts and opportunities for sex education. At home, young people can easily have one-to-one discussions with parents or carers which focus on specific issues, questions or concerns. They can have a dialogue about their attitudes and views. Sex education at home also tends to take place over a long time, and involve lots of short interactions between parents and children. There may be times when young people seem reluctant to talk, but it is important not to interpret any diffidence as meaning that there is nothing left to talk about. As young people get older advantage can be taken of opportunities provided by things seen on television for example, as an opportunity to initiate conversation. It is also important not to defer dealing with a question or issue for too long as it can suggest that you are unwilling to talk about it.

In school the interaction between the teacher and young people takes a different form and is often provided in organised blocks of lessons. It is not as well suited to advising the individual as it is to providing information from an impartial point of view. The most effective sex education acknowledges the different contributions each setting can make. Schools programmes which involve parents, notifying them what is being taught and when, can support the initiation of dialogue at home. Parents and schools both need to engage with young people about the messages that they get from the media, and give them opportunities for discussion.

In some countries, the involvement of young people themselves in developing and providing sex education has increased as a means of ensuring the relevance and accessibility of provision. Consultation with young people at the point when programmes are designed, helps ensure that they relevant and the involvement of young people in delivering programmes may reinforce messages as they model attitudes and behaviour to their peers.

Taking Sex Education Forward

Providing effective sex education can seem daunting because it means tackling potentially sensitive issues. However, because sex education comprises many individual activities, which take place across a wide range of settings and periods of time, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.

The nature of a person's contribution depends on their relationship, role and expertise in relation to young people. For example, parents are best placed in relation to young people to provide continuity of individual support and education starting from early in their lives. School-based education programmes are particularly good at providing information and opportunities for skills development and attitude clarification in more formal ways, through lessons within a curriculum.

Community-based projects provide opportunities for young people to access advice and information in less formal ways. Sexual health and other health and welfare services can provide access to specific information, support and advice. Sex education through the mass media, often supported by local, regional or national Government and non-governmental agencies and departments, can help to raise public awareness of sex health issues.

Because sex education can take place across a wide range of settings, there are lots of opportunities to contribute.

Further development of sex education partly depends on joining up these elements in a coherent way to meet the needs of young people. There is also a need to pay more attention to the needs of specific groups of young people like young parents, young lesbian, gay and bisexual people, as well as those who may be out of touch with services and schools and socially vulnerable, like young refugees and asylum-seekers, young people in care, young people in prisons, and also those living on the street.

The circumstances and context available to parents and other sex educators are different from place to place. Practical or political realities in a particular country may limit people's ability to provide young people with comprehensive sex education combining all the elements in the best way possible. But the basic principles outlined here apply everywhere. By making our own contribution and valuing that made by others, and by being guided by these principles, we can provide more sex education that works and improve the support we offer to young people.

Effective school-based sex education

School-based sex education can be an important and effective way of enhancing young people's knowledge, attitudes and behaviour. There is widespread agreement that formal education should include sex education and what works has been well-researched. Evidence suggests that effective school programmes will include the following elements:

1. A focus on reducing specific risky behaviours;
2. A basis in theories which explain what influences people's sexual choices and behaviour;
3. A clear, and continuously reinforced message about sexual behaviour and risk reduction;
4. Providing accurate information about, the risks associated with sexual activity, about
contraception and birth control, and about methods of avoiding or deferring intercourse;
5. Dealing with peer and other social pressures on young people; Providing opportunities to
practise communication, negotiation and assertion skills;
6. Uses a variety of approaches to teaching and learning that involve and engage young people
and help them to personalise the information;
7. Uses approaches to teaching and learning which are appropriate to young people's age,
experience and cultural background;
8. Is provided by people who believe in what they are saying and have access to support in the
form of training or consultation with other sex educators.

Formal programmes with these elements have been shown to increase young people's levels of knowledge about sex and sexuality, put back the average age at which they first have sexual intercourse and decrease risk when they do have sex . All the elements are important and inter-related, and sex education needs to be supported by links to sexual health services, otherwise it is not going to be so effective . It also takes into account the messages about sexual values and behaviour young people get from other sources, like friends and the media. It is also responsive to the needs of the young people themselves - whether they are girls or boys, on their own or in a single sex or mixed sex group, and what they know already, their age and experiences.

Preventing To be infected HIV


HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is the virus believed to cause AIDS. When someone has HIV (is HIV+), their body has a hard time fighting off infections and diseases. Anybody can get HIV.

You should know that at least 20% of people who find out they have AIDS are in their 20s. These people probably got HIV when they were in high school, because it can take years for an HIV+ person to develop AIDS.

HIV is transmitted from one person to another when certain body fluids are mixed-blood (including menstrual blood), semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk.
This is how you can get HIV:



* having vaginal or anal "intercourse" without a condom
* licking someone's clit or dick without a condom or plastic wrap
* sharing needles
* from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, and breast feeding
* receiving a blood transfusion (luckily HIV is rarely transmitted this way anymore)



You can't get HIV from:
* kissing, sweat, tears
* hugging
* food
* toilet seats
* swimming pools
* giving blood

HIV is a virus, and viruses don't discriminate. It doesn't matter who you are -- gay, straight, or bisexual -- you can get HIV if you have unsafe sex.

What matters is how you do what you do.
There is no cure for AIDS, but there are treatments. People with AIDS often take a combination of prescription drugs that may reduce the amount of virus in their bodies. Taking the drugs as prescribed is important, as the virus can build resistance. No long-term information is known. Some people do not benefit from these treatments.


Virginity


Thank you, New York Times Magazine, for once again making my brain bleed during an otherwise serene Sunday brunch reading the newspaper. The offending article introduced me to a crew of abstinence advocates who have found that preaching to their sullied sisters about the preciousness of their long lost virginity doesn't effectively inspire cross-legged sexual gatekeeping. So, reading from their modesty magic book, college-age abstinence enthusiasts are attempting a religious sleight of hand and special incantation -- "abracadabra, make feminism appear!" If executed properly, their moral disapproval -- poof! -- disappears before our eyes, replaced by earnest concern about young women's empowerment.

The article focuses on two Ivy League student abstinence groups: Princeton's predominantly Catholic Anscombe Society and Harvard's True Love Revolution. Both groups have sought "credibility within the university at large" by avoiding religion-based arguments. As the Times tells it, these groups have worked backward, building an intellectual case to support their religious verdict. True Love Revolution in particular turned to "peer-reviewed journals and government sources for research that supported the abstinence view" and then published their findings on the group's Web site. To summarize: Pre-marital abstinence makes for a healthier and happier marriages, safe sex isn't actually safe, and early sexual activity leads to depression, cheating and poverty. Woo-hoo, way to go abstinence, right?

Except, uh, sexual health educators disagree with those assertions. "What is disturbing is that this club is using inaccurate information and distorted data to sell that message," says Martha Kempner, spokeswoman for the Sexuality Information and Education Council. "They're completely baseless claims."

But maybe they're hoping we'll forgive a few baseless, religiously-biased claims -- after all, abstinence advocates like Janie Fredell, co-president of True Love Revolution, say they ultimately have a secular, feminist focus! As the Times notes, Fredell read Pope John Paul II's "Theology of the Body" alongside John Stuart Mill's "Subjection of Women." She knows all about the wage gap, forced sterilization and female genital mutilation! And, as she told the Times, she cares "deeply for women's rights."

I don't actually doubt that she does and there's at least one feminist thread in her thinking: Female and male sinners are equally in need of rescue. But while she rejects the role of "the meek little virgin female," she argues for women to return to their post as strict sexual gatekeepers. The only difference being that Fredell believes the latter is an empowering act of rebellion. As the Times puts it, Fredell "asserts control by choosing not to have sex -- by telling men, no, absolutely not."

Shocking as this news may be to some, feminism has nothing to do with broadly asserting control against men; they aren't the enemy! Refusing sex only means something for a woman's personal power if she doesn't want to have sex. But Fredell doesn't care about women making their own decisions about whether or not to have sex before marriage, she simply wants them to make the same decision she has made. She defines female empowerment along her own very personal and religious terms. Fredell can call herself a feminist all she wants, but the only woman she's truly defending is herself


Sex Toys

Even the coolest intimate relations will be richer if you add some novelties and surprises in it. Nowadays there are a lot of sex shops almost in every city around the world, where you can find erotic accessories starting with sexy lingerie of different styles ending with dildos and vaginas.

They always can be ordered by post, moreover they aren't considered anymore to be a sexual pervert prerogative. Thousands of people buy and use them for the purpose of self-satisfaction or for the satisfaction during the coitus. It's important that sex shops and catalogues do not offer their products anymore as the help for onanists. At the very beginning of sex toys appearance, in the middle of seventies, every direction for vibrator use contained the following information: It can help you to relax and to relieve the muscular stress. But in the pictures there was a woman that massaged shoulders, malleolus and even cheeks. Oh, God! Save us from the thought of its penetration into her vagina!!!

Masturbation is no longer a generally recognized vice. Self-stimulation is not only innocuous, but even useful. No one has problems with the head from onanism yet. Masturbation helps both women and men to get rid of stress and loneliness. Also it lets you learn much more about your own body and sexuality. If you really know what you love during masturbation you can easily explain your partner what type of stimulation of genitals he should choose to satisfy you. The results of it: you derive pleasure from it, and he gains an experience and self-confidence as a subtle lover! As you know sex can solve any problem between man and woman. So, diversify your sexual life using sex toys!!!

Sex and Mysterious G-spot

All of us know that proper stimulation of erogenous zones is extremely important for achieving orgasm. Generally speaking, each of us knows what erogenous zones are and where they can be found. Most people interested in sex theory and practice are aware of the fact that there is some mysterious zone in female body called the G spot, which if stimulated properly provides a very intensive orgasm.


The G-spot is a quite often discussed nowadays, but in spite of this topic's popularity almost no one can explain what this miraculous zone is and how it should be stimulated. Let us try to lift the veil of secrecy from this recently discovered erogenous zone.

The G-spot was discovered in the forties of the previous century by famous German gynecologist Ernst Grafenberg. However, this discovery had been unnoticed for quite considerable amount of time. Only in the eighties of the 20-th century when American sexologists repeatedly found this female erogenous zone and acknowledged its existence, this topic began being discussed by scientists. Many doctors still deny this spot’s existence, whereas other ones give extremely discrepant information on the G-spot function and location.


So, according to today's scientific data, the G-spot lies behind the front wall of the vagina. Depending on a woman's body individual features it can be placed within about 1-2 inches inside the vagina, sometimes even deeper. It is a tiny, bean-shaped area which when stimulated swells and becomes as big as a nubbin. Actually, the G-spot's size when aroused considerably varies from woman to woman (according to some data the G-spot can become as big as a button). The researches have shown that vaginal area where the G-spot lies is not quite sensitive; therefore quite intensive stimulation should be applied for search of this erogenous zone. Usually such stimulation is nearly impossible during usual intercourse that is why most women even do not suppose they have the G-spot which can provide them with a great enjoyment they never experienced before.

How to find the G-spot?
This is not quite easy when being calm and not aroused. If you want to find your partner’s G spot than you had better begin this quite difficult search during foreplay when your girlfriend is about to cum or has just orgasmed, i.e when her G-spot is swelled.
Your girlfriend should lie with her legs apart. Insert two fingers into the vagina and examine the area lying behind the pubic zone. Ask your partner suggest in what manner you should move your fingers. You must find a little solid nubbin approximately as big as a pea (it may be a little bigger) which when pressed might cause discomfort in the woman. Such sensations quite soon turn into increasing arousal which usually results in a very strong orgasm.

How to stimulate the G-spot?
The G-spot is quite difficult to stimulate effectively during usual intercourse, unless the male partner has a little crooked penis.

Usually horsewoman position is recommended for a better G-spot stimulation, because while performing intercourse in this position a woman can easily control her partner's motions.
However, the best effect is achieved when the G-spot is stimulated with help of specially designed sex toys.
All adult toys designed for the G-spot stimulation feature crooked shaft. Some of these toys for adults can be as thin as a pencil, whereas other ones are quite thick. They can be both short and long.


When choosing a G-spot adult toy you should take into consideration your own physiological features. You can choose a relatively long massager, if your G-spot is placed quite deeply, but if it is near the entrance to the vagina, than perhaps you should choose a shorter sex toy.

Do you need an intense stimulation? Than you had better choose a considerably bent vibrator, and on the contrary, those who prefer gentle stimulation should choose a slightly crooked G-spot massager.


The material your adult toy is made of is also very important. The massager can be made of plastic, metal or latex. Such a device can be used for less sensitive or deeply placed G spot. But if your G-spot is sensitive enough, than you had better get a softer vibrator, for example one made of silicone, or a so called jelly massager.


All G-spot vibrators feature a few speeds to help you choose a device suitable exactly for you.
Some men think that search of the G-spot is foolish and unnecessary. Is there any use persuading them that they are wrong?


It is known that men in most cases achieve orgasm, whereas almost no woman gets the desired pleasure every time she has sex, to say nothing of those who do not orgasm at all. Therefore everything that helps women enjoy sexual relationships must be applied by their loving partners. Women do deserve orgasms!

Sexual Fantasies

Have you ever given much thought to the differences between the sexual fantasies typically conjured up by men and women? Men, it seems, tend to have more sexual fantasies than women and these are more likely to be paired with masturbation. Men, by nature being visual, are likely to create graphic images of women's sexual bodies and imagine watching them, seducing them or, quite often, being seduced by them. For a male, the story line of a fantasy is uaually quite genital and accompanied with explicit visual images.

Women, in general, fantasize less than their male counterparts. Those women who do fantasize are typically less visual in their sexual fantasies, are usually less focused on genitals, and are more likely to construct a story with the emotional feelings of a romantic encounter. Women also tend to involve more olfactory and auditory memories... memories of smells and sounds. To be sure, however, there are women who masturbate to their fantasies, be they romantic or erotic.
Sexual fantasies can serve many purposes. They can induce sexual desire, maintain sexual arousal, enhance the sexual experience, trigger an orgasm, and preserve a memory.

The desire to be sexual is not something controlled by a switch and easily turned on following the eleven o'clock news. Many people, particularly as they age or as a relationship matures, find that the easy turn ons occur less frequently, particularly late at night. On those occasions when time is limited, fantasies can serve to focus attention on the anticipated erotic event and help induce the desire for sexual intimacy.

More than one person has told me, "I'm not able to get excited on a moment's notice. I need time to psych myself up." To induce desire, you can think ahead about what you would like to experience and what you and your partner will give and receive. Imagine the sexual encounter is your very first, but without those initial anxieties, and let it be, in your mind, a new and exciting adventure. Recall the good sexual feelings you have experienced and mentally reminisce about those most memorable past encounters. Conjure up the memory of a partner's warmth, softness, and gentle touch. See your partner's face in your mind's eye and recall that person's sounds of pleasure and the aroma of their excitement. Include only the graphic images you are comfortable with.

Desire can be induced mutually throughout the day, with, for example, a phone call to say, "I've been thinking of your wonderful body." The mid-day message, "You won't believe what I want to do to you tonight," might stir the erotic imagination of both partners, causing each to spend the day thinking of the possibilities in store for that night.

For those without a partner, fantasies during the day can become the prelude for an episode of self-loving that evening. Self-stimulation, the normal, natural way of experiencing solitary pleasure, is a healthy outlet for many who are alone. Fantasy during the day can certainly prepare you for the quiet celebration of your own sexual response.

Most of us have had the experience of beginning a sexual encounter, only to find our minds wandering off to the worries of the day or the pressing issues of tomorrow. Erotic fantasy can maintain arousal by pushing away the intrusive nonsexual thoughts. When distractions hit, we need only focus on a pleasant sexual memory or project an exciting visual image on our mental movie screen. Fantasies can be of our current sexual partner, but often they will revolve around persons from the past, coworkers, movie stars, or attractive strangers. Bringing others into fantasies is normal and is justified if it serves the current relationship by eliminating distractions that would otherwise dampen or destroy the passion. Obviously, if someone feels guilty about including others in his or her fantasy script, they should be left out. Some people like a cast of thousands, while others want to focus exclusively on their current partner.

Many people worry about their fantasies being too "kinky", but such fantasies are really quite common. Unusual fantasies can help maintain arousal and are harmless if there is no compulsion to actually experience an act that would be emotionally or physically harmful to oneself or to others. Whereas honesty is usually the best policy, discretion must be used in the sharing of some unusual fantasies or fantasies involving other people. It is rare that a couple can share such deep, dark, private thoughts without, at best, a little discomfort. Too often the reaction upon hearing a partner's most kinky fantasy is one of jealousy or distrust, if not anger and disgust.

One woman playfully imagined that her partner's penis was enormous, and reported how she would visualize engulfing this gigantic imaginary erection into her body. In her mind she would privately marveled at her vagina's ability to swallow up this massive tool. She quickly acknowledged, however, that she had no desire to experience anything that large in real life, but she did enjoy embellishing her fantasy with the thoughts of dressing this impressive male member in doll's clothing and taking it for walks in the park. During her sexual encounters, this fantasy helped rivet her attention on the pleasure she was feeling from the very adequate, reasonably-sized penis of her partner.

One night, this woman decided that it would be fun to share her giant penis fantasy with her partner. To her utter surprise, the man was devastated upon hearing her playful musings! He began worrying that she had been with men who had larger penises than his, fearing that these well-endowed men must have please her more than he could ever hope to do. He erroneously assumed that she could not enjoy his average-sized penis, and began to feel totally inadequate as her lover. Fearing he could not satisfy this woman, he backed off sexually. When he did try, he felt self-conscious and, as a result, often failed to become erect. This, of course, led to more avoidance and self-degradation.

In couples therapy this man worked on understanding that his partner's fantasy had nothing to do with his genital size or sexual performance, but made their shared intimacy more exciting for her. In our last therapy session he began laughing and, when questioned, shared his own "pet" fantasy. He had for many years fantasized he was making love to a virgin and that her vagina was the town's tightest. Both agreed that they loved each other, loved the sexuality they shared, and would never again ask about the private fantasies each used to dispel the occasional intruding distractions. The also learned that in reality, tight vaginas and large penises are immaterial when a relationship is based on love and mutual respect.

The consequences of disclosure were more serious for another couple. The man fantasized about having sex with his wife's younger married sister. While he found the sister attractive, he had no illusions about her commitment to her husband and would never, in reality, make a pass at her. When he shared his fantasy, however, his wife expressed anger and disbelief. She became extremely uncomfortable whenever her sister was around and believed that she had to watch them both closely for any signs of subtle flirtation. Angry that she now felt distrusting, not only of her husband, but of her sister as well, she chose to end her marriage with the man rather than further damage her relationship with her sister. The fantasy proved to be too close, too personal, and too threatening.

Many shared fantasies, however, enhance desire and maintain arousal. One night a man entered a singles bar, propped himself up on a bar stool and slowly rotated, carefully surveying the women around him. Apparently no one caught his eye, so he turned his back on the scene and sipped quietly on his drink. About fifteen minutes later, a woman walked in. As her eyes adjusted to the darkened room, she also scrutinized the crowd. She wandered around a bit, being careful not to make eye contact with any of the men scattered around the room. After a few minutes of aimless wandering, she moved up beside the man who was seemingly intent on nursing his drink. Sliding between him and the person sitting next to him, she leaned toward the bar to catch the bartender's attention. As she did, the man felt her breast brush lightly across his arm, but he did not look her way.

After being served, the woman stepped back, drink in hand, and stood behind the man. Aware of her presence, the man turned and looked into her eyes. His unoriginal inquiry, "Do you come her very often?" was met with an abrupt, "No!" As he turned toward her, his leg came to rest against her thigh. She made no attempt to avoid the contact, but waited for him to continue his attempt to initiate conversation. Awkwardly he asked, "What do you do for fun?" Both grinned at her response, "I pick up strange men in singles bars." At this point the drink he had been nursing so patiently was gulped down in record time and he asked her to dance. She played at being reluctant, but allowed him to convince her. On the dance floor, they danced as though each was covered by porcupine quills and a large man on a Harley-Davidson could have driven between them. As they continued to dance, however, they moved closer until, from a distance, it looked as though their bodies had blended into one.

As they left together he asked, "Shall we take your car or mine?" Again giggling, they took his car to the nearest motel, where he produced a bottle of wine from an ice bucket on the back seat. Ralph and Mary, who had been married for three years, were acting out their shared fantasy. Once in the room, Mary enticed Ralph into seducing her slowly, pretending uncertainty. "I really don't know if I should!" she said coyly as he pretended clumsiness, fumbling to unbutton her blouse and acting bewildered by the complexities of the one-handed unsnapping of a push-up bra.

During their lovemaking, Mary intentionally cried out, "Oh Bill, you make me feel so good," and in the morning, Ralph pretended to have completely forgotten her name. It was a night not soon forgotten, providing the erotic content for many fantasies that followed.

Novelty can get lost in long-term relationships. When a couple becomes comfortable and familiar with each other sexually, they often forget to be romantic. The entire sexual scenario might become routine, taking place at the same time of the day, in the same location, and all too often in a hurry to completion. While it might be impractical for most of us to make love on a beach, in fantasy we can imagine the sound of the ocean, the warmth of the sand beneath our body, and the excitement of making love under the stars. Perhaps yours will be a fantasy of making love in the woods, or in an old barn, or in the backseat of a car you had as a teenager.

Some fantasies can be acted out, e.g., a pick up in a grocery store. But most fantasies are just private thoughts that need not have a complex storyline, or a cast of hundreds. Working too hard at building a sexual fantasy can become a distraction, defeating one of its purposes. The best fantasies are often quite simple and tied in with pleasant memories. Often it is visual, creating a mental image of a part of the partner's body that is pleasing to look at, but impossible to see in the dark or in a particular position. At times words can be added to the fantasy while forming the mental image "I love your buns."

Special fantasies can be saved for those times when an orgasm is a bit elusive. These favorites can often add the final bit of excitement needed to trigger a powerful climax. Search your inventory of fantasies. Is there one that is particularly powerful? A favorite that is best saved for the climax? If you discover that you have a trigger fantasy, use it sparingly so as not to wear it out. When you are close to orgasm and hovering on the brink, call up that trigger.

It is nice in the afterglow of a loving and lustful encounter to snuggle together and reminisce. Images of the encounter can then be stored for later retrieval to induce desire, maintain arousal, or even trigger an orgasm. Fantasies serve many functions from getting started to getting finished. Remember, sexual fantasies before, during and after a sexual encounter are normal, natural and often helpful in changing a routine experience into a new and exciting event.

By Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.

Dangers of Anal Sex


Unprotected anal sex is a high risk activity regardless of sexual orientation. Research suggests that although gay men are more likely to engage in anal sex, heterosexual couples are more likely not to use condoms when doing so.

Anal sex is more risky than vaginal, since being very thin tissues of anus and rectum can be easily damaged during such sex activities as anal intercourse or use of anal toys. Even slight injuries can become "open gates" for various bacteria and viruses, including HIV. This implies that anal sex does require some certain safety measures. First of all, any partners who practice anal sex should be aware of the necessity of using a condom. The condom must be put on properly, otherwise it does not provide reliable protection. Users should keep in mind that oil-based lubricants damage latex. For this reason water-based lubricants should be used for anal sex. Those who have allergy to latex should consider use of non-latex condoms, for instance polyurethane condoms that are compatible with both oil-based and water-based lubricants.

Condoms should also be used with sex toys. Through putting a condom on the sex toy a user provides better hygiene and prevents transmission of infections if the sex toy is shared. Cleaning of anal sex toys is also a very important matter as many anal sex toys are made of porous materials. Pores retain viruses and bacteria. For this reason users should clean anal toys (plugs, anal vibrators) thoroughly, preferably with use of special sex toy cleaners. Glass sex toys are more preferred for sexual uses because of their non-porus nature and ability to be sterilized between uses.

Oral Sex and HIV



HIV can pose a small risk for both the active (person giving the oral stimulation) and receptive (person receiving oral stimulation) partner.


Transmission from an HIV positive receptive partner to an HIV negative active partner may occur when the active partner gets sexual fluid (semen or vaginal fluid) or blood (from menstruation or a wound somewhere in the genital or anal region) into a cut, sore, ulcer or area of inflammation somewhere in their mouth or throat. The linings of the mouth and throat are very resistant to viral infections such as HIV, so infection is unlikely if they are healthy.
Transmission from an HIV positive active partner to an HIV negative receptive partner is generally believed to be less common. This is because HIV is normally only present in saliva in very low levels that are not sufficient to cause infection. The only risk in this scenario would be from bleeding wounds or gums in the HIV positive person’s mouth or on their lips, which may transfer blood onto the mucous membranes of the other person’s genitals or anus, or into any cuts or sores they may have. Hepatitis C can also be transmitted this way.

What is the risk of HIV transmission via oral sex?
The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult. In addition, since most sexually active individuals practice oral sex in addition to other forms of sex (such as vaginal and/or anal sex) when transmission occurs, it is difficult to determine whether or not it occurred as a result of oral sex or other more risky sexual activities. Finally, several co-factors can increase the risk of HIV transmission through oral sex, including oral ulcers and wounds, bleeding gums, genital sores, genital or oral piercings, and the presence of other STDs.

When scientists describe the risk of transmitting an infectious disease, like HIV, the term "theoretical risk" is often used. Very simply, "theoretical risk" means that passing an infection from one person to another is possible, even though there may not yet be any actual documented cases. "Theoretical risk" is not the same as likelihood. In other words, stating that HIV infection is "theoretically possible" does not necessarily mean it is likely to happen - only that it might. Documented risk, on the other hand, is used to describe transmission that has actually occurred, been investigated, and documented in the scientific literature.
Various scientific studies have been performed around the world to try and document and study instances of HIV transmission through oral sex. A programme in San Francisco studied 198 people, nearly all gay or bisexual men. The subjects stated that they had only had oral sex for a year, from six months preceding the six-month study to its end. 20 per cent of the study participants (39 people) reported performing oral sex on partners they knew to be HIV positive. 35 of those did not use a condom and 16 reported swallowing cum. No one became HIV positive during the study, although the small number of participants performing oral sex on HIV positive partners meant the researchers could only say that there was a less than 2.8 per cent chance of infection through oral sex over a year.1 In 2000, a different San Francisco study of gay men who had recently acquired HIV infection found that 7.8 per cent of these infections were attributed to oral sex.2 However, the results of the study have since been called into question due to the reliability of the participants' data.

Measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.
In June 2002, a study conducted amongst 135 HIV negative Spanish heterosexuals, who were in a sexual relationship with a person who was HIV positive, reported that over 19,000 instances of unprotected oral sex had not led to any cases of HIV transmission.3 The study also looked at contributing factors that could affect the potential transmission of HIV through oral sex. They monitored viral load and asked questions such as whether ejaculation in the mouth occurred and how good oral health was. Amongst HIV positive men, 34 per cent had ejaculated into the mouths of their partners. Viral load levels were available for 60 people in the study, 10 per cent of whom had levels over 10,000 copies. Nearly 16 per cent of the HIV positive people had CD4 counts below 200. The study, conducted over a ten year period between 1990 and 2000, adds to the growing number of studies which suggest varying levels of risk of HIV transmission from oral sex when compared to anal or vaginal intercourse.

At the 4th International Oral AIDS Conference held in South Africa, the risk of transmission through oral sex was estimated to be approximately 0.04 per cent per contact.4 This percentage figure is a lot lower than the two American figures, because this figure is a risk per contact percentage, whereas the other figures are percentage risks over much longer time periods. Oral sex is still regarded as a low-risk sexual activity in terms of HIV transmission, but only when more work is done will we be clearer as to the risks of oral sex.
While it is very difficult to ever know how HIV transmission occurred, according to a factsheet on oral sex produced by the CDC in 20005, there have been a few documented cases of transmission during oral sex. These have occurred in both receptive and active partners during fellatio, cunnilingus and anilingus.

The already low risk of becoming infected with HIV from oral sex can be reduced still further by using condoms. Flavoured condoms are available for those who don’t like the taste of latex or spermicide. For cunnilingus or anilingus, plastic food wrap, a condom cut open, or a dental dam (a thin square of latex) can serve as a physical barrier to prevent transmission of HIV and many other STDs

Oral Sex

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